orite fellas !
i'm currently not writing anything for now because of massive events flooding my life...
i want to first collect myself, then compose myself properly...
so until further notice.... SAYONARA !
p/s: I'll be back !
Monday, April 06, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Oxymoron : 12 Gauge Shotgun Designed For Youths
ok ...
in accordance with the above topic... wtf ? a shotgun designed for kids ???
orite, if you guys are wondering where did i hear it from, u guys don't watch the news obviously... so here's the 411 - in the USA today, there was a homicide committed by an 11 year old kid. the victim, his father's 8 month old pregnant girlfriend. the murder weapon was a 12 gauge shotgun designed for youths.
so here i am wondering which one is more of a shocker... the kid killin' his dad's preggo gf or there are shotguns made for kids... hmmm...
in accordance with the above topic... wtf ? a shotgun designed for kids ???
orite, if you guys are wondering where did i hear it from, u guys don't watch the news obviously... so here's the 411 - in the USA today, there was a homicide committed by an 11 year old kid. the victim, his father's 8 month old pregnant girlfriend. the murder weapon was a 12 gauge shotgun designed for youths.
so here i am wondering which one is more of a shocker... the kid killin' his dad's preggo gf or there are shotguns made for kids... hmmm...
Saturday, February 14, 2009
14th Feb... o0o0ohhh~lala~
ola ! as all of you know, today was valentine's day... a day celebrated by "lovers" or so to say... ahahahah...
why does it have to be just this one day ? why can't it be every other day ? it's like saying... "i love you the most today but tomorrow is a different story"... lol... the irony...
oh well.. it does seem to be the day that all the romantics pull out all the stops... candlelight dinner, chocolate and teddy bears... it has become a hallmark tradition to celebrate... heheh...
but today is the 3rd valentines day i've spent alone... not bad actually... i save a lot of money in doing so... heheh...
well... whatever... hope all of you guys have a nice day with your loved ones !
till next time ! PAI-PAI !
why does it have to be just this one day ? why can't it be every other day ? it's like saying... "i love you the most today but tomorrow is a different story"... lol... the irony...
oh well.. it does seem to be the day that all the romantics pull out all the stops... candlelight dinner, chocolate and teddy bears... it has become a hallmark tradition to celebrate... heheh...
but today is the 3rd valentines day i've spent alone... not bad actually... i save a lot of money in doing so... heheh...
well... whatever... hope all of you guys have a nice day with your loved ones !
till next time ! PAI-PAI !
Monday, February 09, 2009
Today... Peaceful...
ahahah... what an interesting title...
hmmm... what was it about today that was so peaceful ? hmm... nothing actually.... the massive amount of nothingness gave me some amount of peace... whoa... i'm so stoned right now from all the sluggish movements of everything around me...
but in my head, wow... it's the complete opposite... the world is moving at a 1000 years/hour...
i'm trying to figure out what to call this facinating state of mind... turbo-trauma-stoned-iosis ? turboumastoniosis ? WTF ?
hmmm... what was it about today that was so peaceful ? hmm... nothing actually.... the massive amount of nothingness gave me some amount of peace... whoa... i'm so stoned right now from all the sluggish movements of everything around me...
but in my head, wow... it's the complete opposite... the world is moving at a 1000 years/hour...
i'm trying to figure out what to call this facinating state of mind... turbo-trauma-stoned-iosis ? turboumastoniosis ? WTF ?
Friday, February 06, 2009
Bickering Never Ends But People's Lives Are At Stake...
Like all of u know, perak is now under the administration of the BN ... disaster or blessing? when will the political bout for each state gonna end? my view... it ends when all the old timers are dead.
why must it involve the passing of the old timers ? c'mon... just look at a particular "TUN" who just can't wrap his head around the idea of leaving things to the next generation. our current prime minister doesn't help things either... being nice and humble is good but if you are the leader of a nation... for god's sake... grow some bloody back bone ! and there is the opposition leader with the balls of steel but has no concern whatsoever for the well being of others. he for certain will sell the whole country out. then we have the deputy prime minister who can't even cover up his tracks... let's face it... our country's administration is a joke.
i'd like to point something out, in the doctrine of separation of powers, the administration of a country is normally governed by 3 separate entities. those 3 entities being the judiciary, the legislative body and the executive body. although those 3 being separate in theory, implementation in real life is kinda different. but there is always the unwritten law that each separate body is not allowed to intefere with each other. BUT ! IN MALAYSIA, THERE IS NO SEPARATION ! (literally there might be but what happens behind closed doors is just sooo obvious... pls be more "under the table" in making violations in the future..) .
does our country really practice democracy ? they say they do, they act like they do, sure seems like democracy..... but the truth is, they have just formed the newest form of politics -> idiot-cracy or in other words -> idiocracy. the money politics is just getting ridiculous.... don't get me started on the racial politics... my god... what has happened to our country... after more than half a decade of independence... it still feels like we have not progressed... physically, mentally and spiritually.
here in the last paragraph, i would like all of you to ponder about democracy based on this particular quote...
"It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth." - Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States of America, The Gettysburg Address, 1863.
why must it involve the passing of the old timers ? c'mon... just look at a particular "TUN" who just can't wrap his head around the idea of leaving things to the next generation. our current prime minister doesn't help things either... being nice and humble is good but if you are the leader of a nation... for god's sake... grow some bloody back bone ! and there is the opposition leader with the balls of steel but has no concern whatsoever for the well being of others. he for certain will sell the whole country out. then we have the deputy prime minister who can't even cover up his tracks... let's face it... our country's administration is a joke.
i'd like to point something out, in the doctrine of separation of powers, the administration of a country is normally governed by 3 separate entities. those 3 entities being the judiciary, the legislative body and the executive body. although those 3 being separate in theory, implementation in real life is kinda different. but there is always the unwritten law that each separate body is not allowed to intefere with each other. BUT ! IN MALAYSIA, THERE IS NO SEPARATION ! (literally there might be but what happens behind closed doors is just sooo obvious... pls be more "under the table" in making violations in the future..) .
does our country really practice democracy ? they say they do, they act like they do, sure seems like democracy..... but the truth is, they have just formed the newest form of politics -> idiot-cracy or in other words -> idiocracy. the money politics is just getting ridiculous.... don't get me started on the racial politics... my god... what has happened to our country... after more than half a decade of independence... it still feels like we have not progressed... physically, mentally and spiritually.
here in the last paragraph, i would like all of you to ponder about democracy based on this particular quote...
"It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth." - Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States of America, The Gettysburg Address, 1863.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Political Turmoil Hits Our Country
ummm....
oh c'mon ! who the fuck are we kiddin ? political turmoil ? don't be soo dramatic.. look, our country only had two different government regimes as compared to thailand which had about 50 i think and indonesia which changed presidents like changing underwear... people from the outside would view us as "the lucky sons o' bitches"... politics has always been stable and i am proud to be malaysian. although we have been branded as lazy, untrustworthy and practically useless by the western civilisation but hey, we didn't have the terrorist on our asses ! :P
and another thing ... my non-malay friends always ask me in a slandering manner about "being malay". they'll be like " hey dude, what's it like being a MALAY IN MALAYSIA with ALL the SPECIAL PRIVELAGES ?" and im like "huh ? WTF ? WAT SPECIAL PRIVELAGES?" they'll go "OH C'MON ! DON'T PLAY DUMB"... at this point i'll be like "i actually have special privelages ? oooh... good for me !" they get mad as hell ... ahahaha... but seriously... wat special privelages ? do i get to drive on the road like my father owned it ? do i get to cut que for everything ? sure there may be some special discounts on some stuff but that's about it.
look, people have been arguing about wtf is a malay ? is that even a race ? where the hell did they come from ? they didn't even settle on this island first !
okey, think about this, did the white people really originate from AMERICA ? or AUSTRALIA? or BRITAIN ? ...... c'mon, we all know all of them came to that particular piece of land and started to populate it. that's how civilisation started. such a simple concept.
about the other races arguing that the malays don't deserve their special privelages... the malays don't really own malaysia or some bullcrap like that... okey look, to be fair - Indians have INDIA, Chinese have CHINA (and SINGAPORE) and the Malays have MALAYSIA... such an uncomprihencible concept ? everybody needs a place called home.
i hope that racial issues don't continue to be used as political ammunition in the future. if u really want a MALAYSIAN MALAYSIA, don't be selfish and don't ever bring up the issue of race ever again. this might teach the future generation that MALAYSIA was built on peace and trust of all races. but i know this will never happen. so.... GOOD LUCK MALAYSIA ! :)
oh c'mon ! who the fuck are we kiddin ? political turmoil ? don't be soo dramatic.. look, our country only had two different government regimes as compared to thailand which had about 50 i think and indonesia which changed presidents like changing underwear... people from the outside would view us as "the lucky sons o' bitches"... politics has always been stable and i am proud to be malaysian. although we have been branded as lazy, untrustworthy and practically useless by the western civilisation but hey, we didn't have the terrorist on our asses ! :P
and another thing ... my non-malay friends always ask me in a slandering manner about "being malay". they'll be like " hey dude, what's it like being a MALAY IN MALAYSIA with ALL the SPECIAL PRIVELAGES ?" and im like "huh ? WTF ? WAT SPECIAL PRIVELAGES?" they'll go "OH C'MON ! DON'T PLAY DUMB"... at this point i'll be like "i actually have special privelages ? oooh... good for me !" they get mad as hell ... ahahaha... but seriously... wat special privelages ? do i get to drive on the road like my father owned it ? do i get to cut que for everything ? sure there may be some special discounts on some stuff but that's about it.
look, people have been arguing about wtf is a malay ? is that even a race ? where the hell did they come from ? they didn't even settle on this island first !
okey, think about this, did the white people really originate from AMERICA ? or AUSTRALIA? or BRITAIN ? ...... c'mon, we all know all of them came to that particular piece of land and started to populate it. that's how civilisation started. such a simple concept.
about the other races arguing that the malays don't deserve their special privelages... the malays don't really own malaysia or some bullcrap like that... okey look, to be fair - Indians have INDIA, Chinese have CHINA (and SINGAPORE) and the Malays have MALAYSIA... such an uncomprihencible concept ? everybody needs a place called home.
i hope that racial issues don't continue to be used as political ammunition in the future. if u really want a MALAYSIAN MALAYSIA, don't be selfish and don't ever bring up the issue of race ever again. this might teach the future generation that MALAYSIA was built on peace and trust of all races. but i know this will never happen. so.... GOOD LUCK MALAYSIA ! :)
Monday, February 02, 2009
Loss (no deaths involved)
hmmm....
tragedy struck again... it seems like an endless supply of drama is waiting for me dis year... it never seems to end... i'm bloody cursing the O.C. right now... this is one of those rare moments where life imitated art... the art of ruthless bloodshed of the human heart...
the human heart... such a fragile thing at times but it can turn into the most powerful substance ever known to man... would you entrust your heart to another ? would you let something so fragile fall into the hands of another ? but what if you didn't give it willingly ? what if it just wandered off on it's own... now that's something to ponder on...
time spent in front of another could lead to the secret binding of the human heart... although it might just happen to one party... but no one ever notices till it starts to bleed together... okey, in this part, you guys might be wondering what the fuck am i blabbering about... what in the depths of lucifer's torturous hell are you talkin about ... well... you guys ain't ever gonna find out... ;-)
secrets i have kept and i still persevere to keep will remain with me to the grave. all i'm doing right now is just letting some steam out...
everyone has skeletons in their closet and some must always remain there for the rest of eternity for others sake. i love how god made the world so that in the end, everything will explode... it's so symbolic of things kept under pressure just waiting for a perfect time to burst... :)
tragedy struck again... it seems like an endless supply of drama is waiting for me dis year... it never seems to end... i'm bloody cursing the O.C. right now... this is one of those rare moments where life imitated art... the art of ruthless bloodshed of the human heart...
the human heart... such a fragile thing at times but it can turn into the most powerful substance ever known to man... would you entrust your heart to another ? would you let something so fragile fall into the hands of another ? but what if you didn't give it willingly ? what if it just wandered off on it's own... now that's something to ponder on...
time spent in front of another could lead to the secret binding of the human heart... although it might just happen to one party... but no one ever notices till it starts to bleed together... okey, in this part, you guys might be wondering what the fuck am i blabbering about... what in the depths of lucifer's torturous hell are you talkin about ... well... you guys ain't ever gonna find out... ;-)
secrets i have kept and i still persevere to keep will remain with me to the grave. all i'm doing right now is just letting some steam out...
everyone has skeletons in their closet and some must always remain there for the rest of eternity for others sake. i love how god made the world so that in the end, everything will explode... it's so symbolic of things kept under pressure just waiting for a perfect time to burst... :)
Friday, January 30, 2009
My take on friendship ? hmmm...
Hmm ... i saw it fit that the second post of this year should be about the second most important thing in my life nowadays (number 1 being god and family...) which is friendship. yes, i regard friendships to be the second most important thing in my life.
since i was still a kid, my parents used to always remind me that we can't go through this life and face the hardships that comes with it alone. there's always somebody to help you through it. at first i was like "hemph... i can do it alone !" ... but that was before i entered kindergarten. hehehe...
"what is friendship ? how do we define a person to be a friend ? the age old question will always be "friend or foe ?"... this is my opinion is irrelevant. a person is just another person. the situation of being a friend or foe is subject to an established relationship. why do i say this ? because, when you have established communication with the other person and have obtained brief knowledge about the other person only then does the "f.o.f" question applies."
-anonymous
(the previous paragraph is actually just bullshit ! you can't fuckin define another person ! they're just another person ! classifying their character is just being judgemental you asshole ! moving on!)
so what is my take on friendship ? hmmm... not much really... but when i have obtained a friend... i usually try to make it last my lifetime. some people go for BFF's or FFB's or FB's ... wat are those ? BFF- Best Friends Forever , FFB- Friends For Benefits and FB- Fuck Buddies... what an imaginative line up of acronyms... hahahah... why did i include BFF's in there ? c'mon ! who the fuck are you kiddin ? BFF's ? ain't that convenient ? puhhhhlllleeeaaasssseee... friendships ain't commercial you assholes ! you can't fuckin buy a BFF bracelet from a store and give it to another person and declare BFFs ! OMG ! WHO THE FUCK ON GOD's GREEN GLOBE ARE YOU KIDDIN ???
what is the cost of a BFF bracelet ? 10 bucks ? wtf ? is your friendship measured by value ? wow... how convinient.
wats the cost for friendship to me ? 1 teh tarik and a life time of smiles and tears. the joy and sorrows of friendship is my pride as a friend. there was a joke that actually stated-
"if you are a friend and your friend got into jail you would bail him out but if you are a true friend and your friend got himself into jail... you would be there by his side getting caught at the same time... and you'll both be laughing..." hehehe ... that one would make me smile always...
and another one would go-
"if you were a friend and your friend was crying at the loss of a relationship or someone, you would console him to the best of your abilities but if you were a true friend, your heart would bleed at the same time."
these two jokes make up my life's principle of being a friend to another person. care not about the jokes but the meaning it brings.
but when i look back at my life for these past 20 years on the globe, i finally found my true friend... do you guys wanna know about her ? yes it is a she...
i'll give you a hint ... she's small, has a slim body, reddish skin, yellow-ish outline, plastic exterior and wonderful personality... she comforts me when i'm down, she's there with me when i smile and she gives me unimaginable pleasure but she sometimes gives me sore-throat...
you still wanna know who ???? my trusted pack of DUNHILL 14's !!!! bwahahaha !!!
till next time ! PAI-PAI !
since i was still a kid, my parents used to always remind me that we can't go through this life and face the hardships that comes with it alone. there's always somebody to help you through it. at first i was like "hemph... i can do it alone !" ... but that was before i entered kindergarten. hehehe...
"what is friendship ? how do we define a person to be a friend ? the age old question will always be "friend or foe ?"... this is my opinion is irrelevant. a person is just another person. the situation of being a friend or foe is subject to an established relationship. why do i say this ? because, when you have established communication with the other person and have obtained brief knowledge about the other person only then does the "f.o.f" question applies."
-anonymous
(the previous paragraph is actually just bullshit ! you can't fuckin define another person ! they're just another person ! classifying their character is just being judgemental you asshole ! moving on!)
so what is my take on friendship ? hmmm... not much really... but when i have obtained a friend... i usually try to make it last my lifetime. some people go for BFF's or FFB's or FB's ... wat are those ? BFF- Best Friends Forever , FFB- Friends For Benefits and FB- Fuck Buddies... what an imaginative line up of acronyms... hahahah... why did i include BFF's in there ? c'mon ! who the fuck are you kiddin ? BFF's ? ain't that convenient ? puhhhhlllleeeaaasssseee... friendships ain't commercial you assholes ! you can't fuckin buy a BFF bracelet from a store and give it to another person and declare BFFs ! OMG ! WHO THE FUCK ON GOD's GREEN GLOBE ARE YOU KIDDIN ???
what is the cost of a BFF bracelet ? 10 bucks ? wtf ? is your friendship measured by value ? wow... how convinient.
wats the cost for friendship to me ? 1 teh tarik and a life time of smiles and tears. the joy and sorrows of friendship is my pride as a friend. there was a joke that actually stated-
"if you are a friend and your friend got into jail you would bail him out but if you are a true friend and your friend got himself into jail... you would be there by his side getting caught at the same time... and you'll both be laughing..." hehehe ... that one would make me smile always...
and another one would go-
"if you were a friend and your friend was crying at the loss of a relationship or someone, you would console him to the best of your abilities but if you were a true friend, your heart would bleed at the same time."
these two jokes make up my life's principle of being a friend to another person. care not about the jokes but the meaning it brings.
but when i look back at my life for these past 20 years on the globe, i finally found my true friend... do you guys wanna know about her ? yes it is a she...
i'll give you a hint ... she's small, has a slim body, reddish skin, yellow-ish outline, plastic exterior and wonderful personality... she comforts me when i'm down, she's there with me when i smile and she gives me unimaginable pleasure but she sometimes gives me sore-throat...
you still wanna know who ???? my trusted pack of DUNHILL 14's !!!! bwahahaha !!!
till next time ! PAI-PAI !
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
The Brand New Year ... OLA 2009 ! .... Same Old Problems
Hello busybodies ! Why busybodies ? because i think that people that are in love (or obsessed) with reading about other people's lives are busybodies... but i might be wrong on this subject. it might just mean that you would care enough to be concerned about other people's lives. whatever the reason may be.. i would like to thank you for stopping by my little place of scribbling. ARIGATOU !
Well well, what do you know, it's actually a new year ! it's 2009 ! it's 2000-fckin'-9 ! how the hell did i get here ?!? (my brain must have dozed off for a year or so...). Wow. It's a new year ! hey ! ey! ey... well... if only everything was in a bloody picture fckin' perfect state all the time... wouldn't that be nice for a change. heheh :)
my hopes for the new year was that i would like to have an ham-bour-gher... nah.. just kidding... i really wanted the new year to kick off with such peacefulness... such zen-ness... such tranquility-ness... (tranquility-ness?)... now i'm just crapping with words... oh well, moving on ! I just wanted the year to be good... but looks like lady luck spits in my face !
beyond this paragraph is a heart-wrenching story of the trials of love ! desperation ! heart-ache ! head-ache ! back-ache ! tooth-ache ! (tooth-ache? nah... i just added that in.. heheh... Moving ON !!!) .......... This is the story of how i kicked off my 2009 !
the time- 10 pm
the place- mi casa
mood- anxious, excited
i was at home, enjoying my XBox360, playing a few games when suddenly ! a thought hit me... literally... it was 10 pm on the 31st of december 2008. i was like WTF ?? WTF ??? WTF ?!?! WTF !!! it's the last day of the bloody year !!! (imagine how stoned i was to actually just realise the situation... sad? i know...). in the heat of the moment, i picked up my trusty communicator to send a distress signal to my comrade, Ryan (not his real name). when ryan answered, i was like "WHAZZUPPPP HOMIE !!!" and he was like "Eyyyyyy" and i was like "ey ?"
and he was like "ey" and i was like " EY!!!" then he responded with " OH !!"... wow... imagine how world scholars would judge our simple yet eventful conversation... beautiful... moving on...
so i asked him what's the plan and he said he didn't have any so i was like okey... so what are we up to? and he was like i dunno, how bout we plan sumthing on the move and i was like okidoki ! so i fired up the washing machine (reference to my car because it does look like a washing machine... hahah) and went to pick him up.
(im gonna skip a few hours because all we did for that night was lepak at my sister's place and chatted about old times while watching fireworks... sad ? i know... hahah)
time- 5 am
place- my neighbour's house
mood- wiped
continuation of the story happened next door to my house. i've been friends with my neighbour for years now. we're really close but since i went to study in KL.. things have gotten abit loose but we still remain close. that morning, he confessed that he wanted to break up with his fiancee becuase of some personal issues... okey look, you guys may read this and go "hmmm... doesn't concern us".. yeah yeah, this is my blog so im telling the story so fck off. this story means a lot to me because both the male and female in the relationship are my close friends. they've been with me thick through thin.
moving on... when he told me the story... i was like... wtf ? have you ever felt that news can sound so trivial at first but as you go on you suddenly realise the magnitude of the situation? so there i was... feeling like ... wtf ? wtf happened ? seriously? shit... wahhh... wtf was i supposed to do ? i haven't had any serious commitment like getting engaged to actually advise on the situation... so all i did was sit there, light up a ciggarette and listen..
around 8.30 am, he asked me "wanna follow?" and i was like "where?" and he said "i'm going to go pick up my stuff from her house"... i gasped... i said "what? you want to tell her today? are you serious?" and he just said " yeah. i've got to do it today" and i just said okey. so we got in the car... there were 3 of us... and sped off 25 km to her house (25 ? i think so... or he just made it seem like it was 25...). when we arrived, i stood in front of the house. i didn't know what to do.. i just froze there but my hands were moving. they (myhands of course) took out my pack and lit me a cigg... automatically... and i was thinking - "whoa.. we're actually here.." . the male subject of course went inside first followed by the other guy and lastly me with the most hasitation my feet can feel. i threw away my stick and went inside the gates... at that moment, i can spot the female subject. she was sitting, on the living room chair, staring blankly outside her house. i can see that her eyes were red and she was so powerless.. i'll tell you guys this... she is a petite girl, really small in size, but she seems to have shrunk due to the lack of food and baverage. i looked and my feet just froze again... at that moment i thought "sigh... " and just continued inside the house. she didn't even look at us... i used to remember how cheerful she was when she saw us... we were her friends... her smile now just turned into the saddest expression a face can make... i just turned away and walked on... into the kitchen where her mother was to salam... after that, i went straight back out and lit another one... at that moment.. i couldn't think... there was nothing in my head... it was as blank as the time i was loaded on valium... (that was when i was in the hospital for high fever). the male subject named Manny (not his real name) was talking to the girl's, Jules (not her real name), mother in the kitchen and laying out his decision. he decided on a clean break. that means all the past mistakes are forgiven and they won't continue their lives together. ain't that a bitch... oh well... moving on... so when he broke the news, the mother was abit mad but she was so calm and just talked to him... she accepts the fact that there is no more love that he can offer her daughter and that she thanks him for being a big help to them all those years... this conversation went on for about 2 and a half to 3 hours. at that time i actually fell asleep on the chair in the living room... like i said... my head was blank but i listened in on their conversation. look, i'm not gonna fill you guys in about everything because it's too personal. so i'm just gonna skip ahead to the part when we were leaving.
i got into the car in the left rear passanger's seat and just looked at them saying their last goodbyes. but then Jules went to the right side of the car and opened the door. she looked at me and said "help me..." i was looking down to the floor... "help me look after him... i know we've been friends for a long time and i think you know me best. eventhough him and me have nothing now but i still love him... i swear to god i still do. i want you to look after him... promise me you will". i just nodded my head. my voice was gone. she closed the door and i looked outside the window to my left. at that moment i realise my cheeks were wet. my cheeks were fckin wet! am i crying ??? wtf ??? jebus cripes... this is ridiculous... but i just couldn't help it... i notice Carlos (not his real name) in front of me was sobbing... we were like wtf ??? is this really happening ? have you ever felt you were useless? that you are the most trivial excuse of a friend for being unable to stop and mend things ? have you ? that's how i felt. those were the only thoughts running through my head. we were all sobbing in the car...
we all just went straight home and i just had a cold shower. after the shower i sms-ed her. i told her to be strong and take care of herself. to remember that she always has a friend to talk to. she replied saying that we're always friends till death. after all that i was blank. i crept into bed. turned on the air conditioning and pulled my blanket... i went straight to sleep.
and that ladies and gentlemen was my first day of this bloody fantastic new year ! there are still a few stories i wanna share but i'll leave it for another time...
thanks for reading this. good day !
Well well, what do you know, it's actually a new year ! it's 2009 ! it's 2000-fckin'-9 ! how the hell did i get here ?!? (my brain must have dozed off for a year or so...). Wow. It's a new year ! hey ! ey! ey... well... if only everything was in a bloody picture fckin' perfect state all the time... wouldn't that be nice for a change. heheh :)
my hopes for the new year was that i would like to have an ham-bour-gher... nah.. just kidding... i really wanted the new year to kick off with such peacefulness... such zen-ness... such tranquility-ness... (tranquility-ness?)... now i'm just crapping with words... oh well, moving on ! I just wanted the year to be good... but looks like lady luck spits in my face !
beyond this paragraph is a heart-wrenching story of the trials of love ! desperation ! heart-ache ! head-ache ! back-ache ! tooth-ache ! (tooth-ache? nah... i just added that in.. heheh... Moving ON !!!) .......... This is the story of how i kicked off my 2009 !
the time- 10 pm
the place- mi casa
mood- anxious, excited
i was at home, enjoying my XBox360, playing a few games when suddenly ! a thought hit me... literally... it was 10 pm on the 31st of december 2008. i was like WTF ?? WTF ??? WTF ?!?! WTF !!! it's the last day of the bloody year !!! (imagine how stoned i was to actually just realise the situation... sad? i know...). in the heat of the moment, i picked up my trusty communicator to send a distress signal to my comrade, Ryan (not his real name). when ryan answered, i was like "WHAZZUPPPP HOMIE !!!" and he was like "Eyyyyyy" and i was like "ey ?"
and he was like "ey" and i was like " EY!!!" then he responded with " OH !!"... wow... imagine how world scholars would judge our simple yet eventful conversation... beautiful... moving on...
so i asked him what's the plan and he said he didn't have any so i was like okey... so what are we up to? and he was like i dunno, how bout we plan sumthing on the move and i was like okidoki ! so i fired up the washing machine (reference to my car because it does look like a washing machine... hahah) and went to pick him up.
(im gonna skip a few hours because all we did for that night was lepak at my sister's place and chatted about old times while watching fireworks... sad ? i know... hahah)
time- 5 am
place- my neighbour's house
mood- wiped
continuation of the story happened next door to my house. i've been friends with my neighbour for years now. we're really close but since i went to study in KL.. things have gotten abit loose but we still remain close. that morning, he confessed that he wanted to break up with his fiancee becuase of some personal issues... okey look, you guys may read this and go "hmmm... doesn't concern us".. yeah yeah, this is my blog so im telling the story so fck off. this story means a lot to me because both the male and female in the relationship are my close friends. they've been with me thick through thin.
moving on... when he told me the story... i was like... wtf ? have you ever felt that news can sound so trivial at first but as you go on you suddenly realise the magnitude of the situation? so there i was... feeling like ... wtf ? wtf happened ? seriously? shit... wahhh... wtf was i supposed to do ? i haven't had any serious commitment like getting engaged to actually advise on the situation... so all i did was sit there, light up a ciggarette and listen..
around 8.30 am, he asked me "wanna follow?" and i was like "where?" and he said "i'm going to go pick up my stuff from her house"... i gasped... i said "what? you want to tell her today? are you serious?" and he just said " yeah. i've got to do it today" and i just said okey. so we got in the car... there were 3 of us... and sped off 25 km to her house (25 ? i think so... or he just made it seem like it was 25...). when we arrived, i stood in front of the house. i didn't know what to do.. i just froze there but my hands were moving. they (myhands of course) took out my pack and lit me a cigg... automatically... and i was thinking - "whoa.. we're actually here.." . the male subject of course went inside first followed by the other guy and lastly me with the most hasitation my feet can feel. i threw away my stick and went inside the gates... at that moment, i can spot the female subject. she was sitting, on the living room chair, staring blankly outside her house. i can see that her eyes were red and she was so powerless.. i'll tell you guys this... she is a petite girl, really small in size, but she seems to have shrunk due to the lack of food and baverage. i looked and my feet just froze again... at that moment i thought "sigh... " and just continued inside the house. she didn't even look at us... i used to remember how cheerful she was when she saw us... we were her friends... her smile now just turned into the saddest expression a face can make... i just turned away and walked on... into the kitchen where her mother was to salam... after that, i went straight back out and lit another one... at that moment.. i couldn't think... there was nothing in my head... it was as blank as the time i was loaded on valium... (that was when i was in the hospital for high fever). the male subject named Manny (not his real name) was talking to the girl's, Jules (not her real name), mother in the kitchen and laying out his decision. he decided on a clean break. that means all the past mistakes are forgiven and they won't continue their lives together. ain't that a bitch... oh well... moving on... so when he broke the news, the mother was abit mad but she was so calm and just talked to him... she accepts the fact that there is no more love that he can offer her daughter and that she thanks him for being a big help to them all those years... this conversation went on for about 2 and a half to 3 hours. at that time i actually fell asleep on the chair in the living room... like i said... my head was blank but i listened in on their conversation. look, i'm not gonna fill you guys in about everything because it's too personal. so i'm just gonna skip ahead to the part when we were leaving.
i got into the car in the left rear passanger's seat and just looked at them saying their last goodbyes. but then Jules went to the right side of the car and opened the door. she looked at me and said "help me..." i was looking down to the floor... "help me look after him... i know we've been friends for a long time and i think you know me best. eventhough him and me have nothing now but i still love him... i swear to god i still do. i want you to look after him... promise me you will". i just nodded my head. my voice was gone. she closed the door and i looked outside the window to my left. at that moment i realise my cheeks were wet. my cheeks were fckin wet! am i crying ??? wtf ??? jebus cripes... this is ridiculous... but i just couldn't help it... i notice Carlos (not his real name) in front of me was sobbing... we were like wtf ??? is this really happening ? have you ever felt you were useless? that you are the most trivial excuse of a friend for being unable to stop and mend things ? have you ? that's how i felt. those were the only thoughts running through my head. we were all sobbing in the car...
we all just went straight home and i just had a cold shower. after the shower i sms-ed her. i told her to be strong and take care of herself. to remember that she always has a friend to talk to. she replied saying that we're always friends till death. after all that i was blank. i crept into bed. turned on the air conditioning and pulled my blanket... i went straight to sleep.
and that ladies and gentlemen was my first day of this bloody fantastic new year ! there are still a few stories i wanna share but i'll leave it for another time...
thanks for reading this. good day !
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